On a quiet Tuesday evening, the Wyndham Pub felt empty. The jukebox played tunes from Prince and the Revolution, while a solitary patron with thinning grey hair and glasses resembling a witch's nose sipped from a stained glass, with droplets trickling down his chin onto his worn British Rail shirt.
He was a retired signalman.
"The world's completely gone crazy,\" complained the lone drinker. \"You can't even call them signalmen anymore; you have to say 'signal person' instead.\"
He took another drink and glanced up at the television suspended above the bar.
EastEnders was on.
“The world has gone mad!”
I was tucked away in a corner, observing the scene through foggy windows. Moonlight filtered in from a slit in the curtain just as I pushed my chips all in.
“Call.”
After revealing five community cards, I found myself down another buy-in.
I can’t win.
I don’t know what’s happened?
I consider myself one of the top players around. I’ve been dedicated to studying weekly and I realize where my mistakes are. I’m trying to adapt and evolve, much like a chimney sweep from the 1960s, but I feel like there’s always dust in my eyes.
I’m into the credit cards.
I’m chasing.
It’s the worst downswing of my life.
“The world’s gone mad!”
Table of Contents
Lessons From a Two-Year-Old
Whenever frustration hits, my first instinct is to shout. My spouse, the level-headed one, isn’t too fond of that reaction, and my two-year-old daughter is just starting to understand emotions while I am already forty-three.
“You’re a bully.”
I guess I am.
My wife has been guiding me to respond differently. Instead of succumbing to my frustrations when my daughter has a meltdown, I pick her up and direct her attention to a poster we have.
I ask my daughter how she feels?
More often than not, she'll point to 'Angry' or 'Sad' and articulate her feelings by saying, 'I am Angry' or 'I am Sad.'
I inquire whether she wishes to feel this way. If she nods, I comfort her, explaining that it’s perfectly fine to experience anger or sadness, and that I’m here for her when she’s ready to change her feelings.
If she shakes her head, I encourage her to choose from one of the ‘Calming Strategies’ that are listed on the poster. Her go-tos usually include hugging a soft toy, sipping some water, or diving into a book.
As I engage in this process, it hits me with the force of a kick from a horse that I could have benefited from similar strategies during my recent downswing. There are countless methods to endure a downswing, as plentiful as herbs in Percy Thrower's garden.
Nonetheless, they all share a common thread: the necessity of emotional regulation.
It dawns on me that I lacked a poster back then, but I did possess a card in my wallet with the instruction: 'You've lost it. Cease all playing immediately. Do not place any more money on the table. Go home.'
My wallet was a coffin for that card.
That card never basked in the moonlight that slipped in through the curtain, nor did it hear the signal person lamenting his uneventful life at the bar.
If you aim to overcome a downswing without feeling as if countless beetles are devouring you from within, then choose joy. Yes, it truly is a choice. While it might be tough to pull a joyful thought out of a seemingly suffocating hat, it's certainly possible.
Tacit v Explicit Knowledge
Here’s a tip straight off the bat.
Jonathan Haidt's book 'The Happiness Hypothesis' serves as an excellent guide to understanding happiness. If you uncover what brings you joy and pursue that, then you’ll likely find more positivity reflected in the headlines you create.
One interesting aspect of happiness that Haidt discusses is its connection with 'Explicit' and 'Tacit' knowledge. Take, for instance, the example I gave when I invited Haidt into the narrative. I mentioned that happiness is a decision, and while that’s something you're aware of, it falls under 'Explicit' knowledge—it’s akin to knowing that Paris is the capital of France.
Just understanding that happiness is a choice doesn’t guarantee that you can flip a switch and become happy every time you feel sadness or anger. 'Explicit' knowledge by itself isn’t sufficient to lift you out of a down mood. To truly shift your emotions, you must undergo enough experiences until responding with joy becomes an ingrained reaction.
When that transformation occurs, thanks to experience, practice, and insight, you'll have cultivated 'tacit' knowledge, which brings me back to the set of calming strategies featured on the poster found in my in-law's kitchen.
Most of you reading this possess 'Explicit' knowledge on how to soothe yourself during periods of anger, sadness, or even excessive happiness. Attaining emotional stability is crucial during a downswing.
The 11 Calming Strategies
The 11 Calming Strategies illustrated on my daughter's poster are essential tools you should have at your disposal. However, simply having them isn't enough—they need to be practiced regularly until they become second nature.
When you utilize these strategies frequently, they'll become habitual, or you'll develop such an acute sense of mindfulness that the emotional turmoil stemming from the ups and downs of poker won’t turn a mature player into a toddler.
Before employing The 11 Calming Strategies, it's vital to have a prompt that reminds you to utilize them at the right moment. Don’t let useful strategies remain buried in your wallet.
BJ Fogg, a behavioral scientist affiliated with Stanford University, specializes in facilitating habit changes through a methodology known as Tiny Little Habits.
Here’s Fogg during a TEDx talk on the concept of Tiny Little Habits.
Fogg presents his behavioral model as B+MAP.
Behavior = Motivation, Ability, and Prompt
In this context, your motivation to improve stems from your desire to excel as a poker player. Your ability to change revolves around transforming the 11 Calming Strategies into 'Tacit' knowledge, nurturing a mindfulness perspective that mitigates the impact of a downswing on your life. The prompt is represented by the card I once carried in my wallet. I recommend you retrieve yours as well.
It's not necessary to use a card as your reminder; what's more important is to associate a consistent activity with your prompts. For example, consider using the act of opening your wallet to cue yourself to review a note or listen to an audio reminder encouraging you to implement a Calming Strategy.
A prompt is no prompt if you can’t see it.
Alternatively, you might pick a habit related to a routine, such as going to the bathroom, to signal a moment for reflection. Consider your gameplay and the ever-evolving nature of poker, and identify a consistent habit that can serve as your anchor-prompt leading you toward implementing a Calming Strategy. (A classic anchor would be brushing your teeth—once I've brushed them, I’ll go for a run.)
Next, when you start to feel an emotion that could lead to tilt, whether at the table or elsewhere, take a moment to check in with yourself and ask, 'What emotion am I feeling right now?'
You may be surprised to learn how many people struggle to articulate their emotions, so here’s a brief list to assist you:
Jotting down your feelings can alleviate anxiety and stress, as mindfulness acts as a trigger for transformation.
Once you pinpoint how you are feeling, it’s time to refer to that children's poster and choose one of The 11 Calming Strategies.
Closing your eyes allows you to shut out distractions, enabling your body and mind to return to a balanced state. This can be done immediately at the table or you can step away to a quieter location to achieve this.
1. Close Your Eyes
Dehydration can lead to increased anxiety, and research shows that staying hydrated not only strengthens your muscles but also has calming effects. Avoid alcohol as a means of calming down, as it often heightens anxiety and causes dehydration.
2. Take a Drink
Stretching boosts blood circulation, helping unwind tense muscles. It’s an effective way to promote mindfulness and cultivate a more centered mindset. Make sure to stretch regularly while playing poker.
3. Stretch Your Body
Engaging in a hug elevates levels of oxytocin, fostering a stronger feeling of happiness by reducing cortisol, the stress hormone. Hugs can quickly shift your mood because we instinctively associate hugs with comfort and safety.
4. Hug a Stuffed Animal
Or a human being.
When you take slow, deep breaths and ground yourself in the moment, your heart rate decreases, alleviating stress and anxiety. Using a meditation app like Sam Harris's 'Waking Up', which offers 10-minute guided sessions, can be a fantastic way to integrate breathing techniques into your pre-game routine.
5. Take 3 Deep Breaths
One effective method to relieve stress and anxiety is to transfer those thoughts onto paper. Engaging in drawing or coloring activities allows your mind to escape the pressures of the game, creating a mini-zone of creativity.
6. Draw – on Paper
Just like in the 'Happiness Hypothesis' by Jonathan Haidt!
7. Read a Book
A fantastic way to invoke fond memories is by curating a music playlist that instantly brings back feelings of nostalgia. Cultivating gratitude is also essential. You could pair this activity with the drawing mentioned earlier; a quick note or sketch of what you’re grateful for can help put your downswing into perspective.
8. Think a Happy Thought
Diverting your attention to something else can help you enter a state of flow, distracting you from the unappealing side of the game.
9. Do a Puzzle
Similar to drawing.
During times of anxiety and stress, your muscles tend to tense up. Keeping a small object to squeeze on hand serves as a reminder for your brain to relax. Just ensure that the object you decide to squeeze isn’t the throat of the player who just eliminated you.
10. Count to Ten
See breathing and closing your eyes.
11. Squeeze a Ball
You don’t necessarily need to enroll in an online poker training course or hire a personal coach. While we’re all aware these strategies can work, the key is to practice them consistently enough to transform explicit knowledge into the tacit understanding that propels the world’s top players.
Yes, that’s it.
Lee Davy is a well-known poker writer and live reporter who has collaborated with leading industry names, including WPT, WSOP, and 888poker.
Nail this, and it’s child’s play.